Friday, February 28, 2003

OVERUSED ADVERBS AND SUCH


I just realized I'd used the adverb "wherein" twice in 4 blogs. One should watch that sort of thing. I'm getting as bad as the professional pundits who overuse transitive verbs like "conflate". I just got 380 Google hits on "Jonah Goldberg + conflate". See what I mean?

WHEREIN MY PATIENCE ENDETH


This is my last warblog until D-Day, H-Hour. There's nothing to say. People like to talk about exit strategies for wars; I'm not convinced Bush has an exit strategy for peace. Peace meaning the circle-jerk he's having to perform for the gutless scumbags at the UN. I honestly believe Bush acted through the UN with earnest effort. He has been rewarded with the most vile, self-serving backstabbing a sane person can comprehend. So when does he say "Annan, tell Ms. Blix to get her petticoats out of Baghdad within 24 hours"? There are no secrets now. Anything Bush tells the UN plenipotentiaries will be leaked at, literally, the speed of sound. Kofi and crew will ensure any US attack will endanger the lives of their people, "innocently" stationed in harm's way. I have no doubt Kofi Annan would sacrifice the entire UN inspections team in order to utter the word "cowboy".


Kofi Annan got his undergraduate degree in St. Paul, Minnesota. He received his master's degree from MIT. He's been employed by the UN since 1962. He was 24 at the time. We educated this guy and have supplied him a homeland and salary for 41 years, and he treats us like vermin. Remember that


UPDATE: A nice young lady in the UK thinks I'm opinionated(!) and a shill for feudalism

PROOF OF LIMB


I got 25,200 hits on an Amputee Fetish Google. I had to do it.

PROPER NOUNS


If Saddam Hussein is Satan's Buttplug, what does that make Dan Rather? Yup. Astroglide.

SUPER BOWL BLUES


We host the Super Bowl in two years, and I gotta tell you, as I walk around downtown at lunch I struggle to see what visitors are going to do for fun. If they're looking for Bourbon Street or South Beach or even Buckhead they're going to be very disappointed. Jax rolls up the sidewalks at 5 o'clock.

The biggest problem is lack of decent residential areas downtown. The city was still relatively new when it burned down in 1901. The only decent neighborhoods left are Springfield (finally being restored), and La Villa, which was ghettoized and razed in the mid-nineties to make room for, well, open city blocks. No downtown dining, no nightlife. No urban college or university to draw young people downtown to live.

Jax is a great recreational city. The most park space per capita in the country (and they're nice, but somewhat remote). Hannah Park for trail biking, Heugenot Park for windsurfing, Timicuana State Park, you can't beat it. The golf is likewise incredible. Everything from TPC Sawgrass to the Ponte Vedra Inn & Club to some wonderful old Donald Ross courses. Great country club golf as well. Superb beaches here. But if you want nightlife and fine dining you're hosed. I just hope the fans don't burn the city down again in frustration.

Jacksonville needs a downtown attraction that exists for its own sake. A Seattle Space Needle, a Gateway Arch. Something that proclaims we're here. Put a frigging Planet Hollywood inside of it, I don't care. But there has to be a reason to be downtown after dark (besides concerts and prostitution, I mean). I'm searching for suggestions/ideas.

At least we get The Boss tomorrow night.

C'MON, PIGGIE, GIVE ME A RIDE


While watching the hilarious new Saturn VUE commercial, wherein our intrepid city boys unpack their camping gear and kick back only to flee in terror after hearing the banjo riff from Deliverance, I got to thinking. It's damned difficult to find a good picture of Banjo Boy. That would be quite the desktop background. So while Googling, I found out two things: 1) it took two hours to make up Hoyt Pollard as Banjo Boy (I thought he was borned that way!) and 2) this guy HATES James Carville (although he admires his work in Deliverance).

Thursday, February 27, 2003

MUTUAL ADMIRATION SOCIETY

Check out Rob Sama's blog. He's got it going.
FREE FALLIN'



In 1960, Air Force Captain (later Colonel) Joe Kittinger, Jr. jumped from a balloon at an altitude in excess of 102,000 feet, and parachuted safely to the Earth. Kittinger was heading the Air Force's Project Excelsior, tasked with researching the perils of high-altitude bailout. THAT is almost 20 miles high. Kittinger hit speeds approaching the sound barrier (614 mph), experienced temperatures of minus 94 degrees Fahrenheit, and freefell for four and a half minutes. Kittinger later served 3 combat tours in Vietnam and spent 11 months there as a POW. This guy is a HOSS. And that is what the United States DOES SO WELL. We push the envelope, and explore the barriers. That is why we'll always win the race.

Which is to take nothing away from the Russians. The Cosmonaut corps was filled with extremely brave individuals. We probably could have beaten the Russians into space, but our concern for safety overrode our vainglory. Hell, the Russians essentially beta-tested with human cargo. To be Yuri Gagarin took nuts.


Which brings me to the point of this blathering. In May Frenchman Michel Fournier will attempt to break the freefall altitude record by jumping from a height of 130,000 feet over Saskatchewan (2 previous attempts have been aborted). That's 25 miles. He plans to hit a maximum speed of Mach 1.7. American Cheryl Stearns, U.S. Airways 737 pilot and first female member of the U.S. Army Golden Knights parachute team, hopes to beat Fournier to the 130,000 foot mark. Fundraising concerns have delayed her jump until fall at the earliest. Australian Rodd Millner's quest for 130,000 feet has apparently petered out.


Think about it. These Westerners (and say what I will, the French can be as brave as the rest of us. See: Cousteau, Aqualung) are doing the absolute unthinkable. What these missions will do for high altitude escape probabilities is extraordinary. Halfway to space, wearing pressurized suits, the view of an SR-71 pilot, breaking the sound barrier with your body, takes the kind of guts I don't see from our Arab brethren. Their idea of courage is blowing their own asses up, and shooting children in their beds. How can we not prevail?

From 1963 to 1965 REMCO offered the Monkey Division brand of assault toys. I ate this stuff up. Got whatever I could. I was a greedy tyke! The window of opportunity was so brief neither my older nor younger brother even remembers MD. What I never had, though, was this helmet. Would have fit in nicely with my Mercury and X-15 helmets. The point? Ebay exists for dumb shit boomers like myself who live to recreate their childhood fantasies, or even better, cram those fantasies down their kids' throats. Did I tell you about the American Tourister Tiara hardshell luggage set I've equipped my daughter with? She can barely exert herself enough to pull a wheeled suitcase behind her. Now I can get to tote 6 pieces of That Girl luggage in addition to my own gear. I'm such a putz. But you know what? I could be sitting in a hovel in Tehran, painting that pink shit on pistacios.
FOND MEMORIES


When Ruhollah Khomeini died in 1989, his faithful followers slathered him in clarified butter and shrouded him for burial. Millions of frenzied Iranians rioted in grief. Women ululated, men flagellated themselves with chains and slit sheep throats in sacrifice. As the throngs heaved toward the gravesite, grasping mourners actually upended the casket, and the Ayatollah's corpse tumbled to the dirt. Cue: increased ululating. One would have thought a pork chop had been found in the Tripoli bazaar. All on CNN. That was grand viewing, Allah be praised! The authorities couldn't get the sobbering wretches out of the grave hole nor land the helicopter with dignitaries, so they lied and said the funeral was postponed until the next day. They then buried the Imam that night, and covered his grave in cement blocks lest the faithful disinter him like a dog unearths a bone.


That, folks, is the cult of personality.

WHERE'S RATKO?


Karadzic's co-perp in Srebrenica is living large. Although wanted by Interpol and the International Criminal Tribunal for Former Yugoslavia, the Yugo army protects him, and nobody does anything about it. Hell, he almost lives as good as this guy. I hope if I'm ever a big, fat syphilitic like Big Daddy I make it to 78 years. I remember when Amin fled Uganda and they raided the royal palace. They found a closet filled with nothing but torture tapes and Tom & Jerry cartoons. Sweet, dude.

Putin is signalling Bush he won't veto the latest resolution. A sixth carrier is headed to the Gulf. We now have 225,000 troops in the region, including the Horn of Africa. Wolfowitz is getting more face time (and better ratings) than Donahue, and the Dow is jerking up and down like a German's dick in Paris. To channel Ledeen, faster, please.

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

SEMPER FI


I just learned that my good friend Chad is deployed to forward regions unnamed. Chad's a Navy Corpsman attached to the Marines, and an all around great guy. Please wish Chad and his brave compatriots well. They do God's work.

ACROPHOBIA AND THE BARBARY APES

This refers to overcoming a fear by encountering a newer, more pressing fear. You're not supposed to understand. All will be explained in time.

THE LONE RANGER, REDUX


The PC version of the Lone Ranger story is populating the vast wasteland as I write. The Cavendish Gang boys aren't mere desperadoes, this go around. No, they're railroad regulators. Murderers for corporate greed. Tonto is sort of a Voice for the Native Peoples, arguing with his Indian brethren in a Rodney King-like "Can't we all just get along?" Oh, and LR is a Harvard graduate. You know, an elitist Eastern Establishment type, obviously well equipped to instruct the red state types in morality. The soundtrack is ersatz Bon Jovi "I'm a Cowboy" tripe. Why, oh why do I bother with this stuff?

Wait! It's getting better! Tonto has LR tripping on peyote and he's channeling his dead Father! To Sara McLachlan-type music! Sweet Jeebus. I can't wait to see how he comes by his silver bullets. Can't be from the silver mine he owned with his dead brother. No sir. That would be raping Gaia. Maybe he'll pull the silver from the teeth of dead railroad regulators.

MAD AND THE SUV


Listening to Sean Hannity debate Robert Kennedy, Jr. on the radio on the way home I was reminded of just how disengenuous the left is. I'm sick of the mantra "The US is 5% of the world population but consumes 25% of the world's energy!" Well, first of all, it's not the world's energy. Useable energy is the output of energy production, and the entities that produce it own it, to use or to sell. The fact that Arabians or Venezuelans sit on vast supplies of oil is serendipitous. Without energy firms to exploit it it's nothing more than grand coincidence, lying fallow. Listen: that 25% of the world's consumption produces much more than 25% of the world's benefits. We use energy to produce goods and services, and we do indeed generate wealth with that productivity. Unlike great swaths of the earth, we then use that wealth for great good. We spend $70 BILLION a year on foreign aid. Year in and year out, we GIVE AWAY 3% of our national wealth to other countries, pouring food into starving backwaters, curing river blindness, inoculating entire populaces against scourges, fighting AIDS, Ebola, cholera, dysentery. And, yes, providing arms to allies so that they can protect themselves against foreign adventurism. We give this money away and are chastised when the dole dips below expectations. Question: what the fuck does Saudi Arabia do with their wealth, which is the slag, the by-product, of our exertions? The vigorish required to make the fucking world work. They oughtta be next, by God.


But I digress.


Back to Kennedy. He's complaining about our energy and the Satanic SUV's. You know liberals used to make sense. Nader championed safety in vehicles, clubbed Detroit over the head with it. So they made safer cars. Then the 1973 embargo hit. Now it's all about conservation. So we import Japanese tin box death traps and Detroit follows suit. Forget safety. Save ooooiiiillll! I wonder how many lives Ralph Nader thinks is acceptable in the name of fuel efficiency? For you see, now I'm supposed to get rid of my safe SUV because it's a danger to the little tin boxes. ADVICE: get rid of your little tin box. Because until every tractor trailer, dump truck, delivery van, FEDEX van, UPS truck, farm pickup, building and construction crew cab, and manure hauler is off the highway I'm not crap-shooting my safety or my children's safety for 4 miles per gallon. My Blazer gets 23 on the highway, loaded. Up yours. I'm not going to jeopardize my family's safety to meet 27 mph CAFE regulations. Sorry. Run that cost-benefit, Ralph. With your hide in the actuarial table.


These mile per gallon feebs are just like the Mutually Assured Destruction twits. If we all run the risk of dying we all share the same risk. Wrong. My SUV is my missile shield, because even when the Soviet Union/tractor trailers are gone, there's always going to be a North Korea/dump truck out there, somewhere. I cannot understand the anguish these people feel over the simple fact of protecting ourselves. That's all it is. Missile defense isn't offensive, and neither is an SUV. Bush wants to share missile defense. I agree. Let's all get SUV's as well.

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Well, blow me down. Please. I've located the titles of the aforementioned Popeye cartoons. Olive goes through the rodeo branding horror in "I Eats Me Spinach" (1933), and Bluto attacks Earth from Mars in "Rocket To Mars" (1946). And Donald Rumsfeld kicks Bluto's ass in "See You In Baghdad" (2003). I'll sleep better tonight.
JENNA JAM



O'Reilly interviewed Jenna Jameson tonight (no, I ain't gonna link to her site, however I do recommend it), and he was quite civil. Stunned is probably a more apt expression. I understand Britney is infatuated with her. So am I. Probably for the same bad reasons.

Derbyshire directs us to this hilarious send up of the Frogsters. Me like.
Night Crossing is the only Mort Kunstler I own. My brother gave it to me. I also lust after a winter scene, like this. In time. I had the Night Crossing matted and framed at the same time as my father's appointment as Representative to the Georgia General Assembly (1961-1963 term), which I found scrolled in the original tube in my mother's belongings. Two hours after I picked them up from the framer floods hit downtown and destroyed the framing gallery. There's joss for you.
WHERE IS KARADZIC?


This war criminal is still on the loose. Eight years after Srebrenica, four years after Kosovo, this jackal is in hiding in the Balkans. There's a $5 million reward.

Wolfowitz is getting serious face time the last few days. I think that means it's shit 'n' git time. I don't know what our contingency plans are to evacuate what US personnel are in Iraq, or how you evacuate the inspectors without tipping your hand, but I believe two weeks is Bush's limit for action. He won't launch an attack without optimal conditions (new moon, relatively cool weather) so the Go/No Go has been made, and if it's Go I think it will be no later than March 3rd. As for the human shields and the scurrying French, German, and Russian cockroaches doing Saddam's bidding, well, life as you know it is going to suck very bad very soon.
NATO, UN, R.I.P.


One keeps hearing that the UN and NATO are in danger of irrelevancy, or worse, demise. Let me clue you in. They're already dead. I can smell them stinking up the place from here. For the United Nations, it was failure to emphatically enforce 1441. As soon as Iraq signalled their intention to continue their charade with the December 7th report, and the UN didn't green light immediate military action, that was it. They will never be considered anything more than, as the president said here the other day, a debating society.

For NATO, it was Kosovo. That was NATO's first and only foray into combat, and it was a police action. NATO was chartered as a defense alliance. Not a police force. If Kosovo was to be done, the UN should have done it (which unfortunately means Slobo would now have WMD's and Europe would have 3 or 4 Srebrenica's on its bloody palms). Although one can certainly agree Bosnia is infinitely better off now, I was against US involvement in Kosovo for three reasons: 1) It was Europe's problem, which means use your own resources to clean up your own backyard. You just might learn something about preemption when you're sacrificing your own boys' blood. 2) This was really an issue of leveling the playing field by lifting the arms embargo and letting the Bosnian Muslims get their own weapons with which to deter the Serbs. Hell, sell them to them. To enact the embargo when the Serbs were already heavily armed and the Bosnians weren't was not only calamitous, it was genocidal. We rogered those poor bastards before they knew what hit them. 3) The danger of using US troops in a NATO effort left open the possibility that, years later, our troops would still be there. Like Haiti. Clinton's adverturism was so misguided the only time he DID pull troops out early was in Somalia, the one time we should have stayed the course because the job was not done.

So NATO was corrupted and compromised by Kosovo, and when we redeploy our troops from Germany (and we will, whether to Czech Republic, Poland, or elsewhere) there won't be a NATO. Unless you count the hair-netted hemp heads Holland throws in the mix.

TRIPLE ENFANTS


Britain, France and Russia formed the Triple Entente in 1907 to counter the threat of Germany's Triple Alliance with Austria-Hungary and Italy. Now the Triple Enfants France, Germany, and Russia are attempting to counter US global power with a dangerous game of obstructionism within the Security Council, played out in the streets of their cities. What makes France and Germany so truly pathetic is the provincial nature of their gambit.

The United States wields global might and influence seriously, not casually. The stakes are simply too high for games of brinksmanship. France and Germany attempt to counter this influence not, as they claim, out of a moral global stance, but out of parochial self-interest in the only place they have any influence whatsoever: their own corrupted little back yard. They seek power only in their isolated piece of European turf because they are, as we say, non-events. So they seek influence in the European community because there exist the only entities they are capable of bullying: the emerging democracies of the East. High stakes poker for a shitty little pot. They're like the sap at the carnival who spends twenty dollars on the ring toss to win his gal a three dollar stuffed toy. Rampant egotism eschews cost-benefit analysis. So while they are staking out neighborhood tagging rights the city (read: the UN and NATO) burns the meanwhile.

Russia is a slightly different case, although I'm not sure why, because I don't understand all of her motives. To be sure, Putin is hedging his bets on all sides. First, he wants to remain viable in Europe, Russia's preferred sphere of influence since Peter the Great. Taming the East has always proved too costly for the Bear, with too little reward (see above reference cost-benefit). So Europe stays in play. Second, Russia wants to retain an ally in the Middle East should things go awry for the Americans. With France and Germany overplaying their hands so approbriously Putin is in the laughable position of appearing almost moderate. Third, Putin doesn't have to worry about covering his backside vis-a-vis Chechnya. Bush has already given assurances we won't interfere there no matter how barbaric it becomes, and it's been savage for years. I personally cannot think of a situation wherein we would remonstrate over anti-Islamist actions taken there. We didn't flinch when the Russians razed Grozny, and that was before September 11. So Russia remains the enigmatic side player, betting against us without outright committing to the other side. My feeling is they'll come around at the last minute, conditioned on an aid package that would shame the Turks.

So that's it. Three erstwhile allies, three egregious agendas that are so narrow in vision as to be mockeries of the international diplomacy these opportunistic brats pride themselves on.

Monday, February 24, 2003

Update: Tim informs me he was, indeed, amused. Crikey!
Talk about a fisking. Acidman laid the wood to Madonna the other day while I was out of town. Mutually-agreed upon single combat. My simple words cannot do justice. Scroll down their respectives and see it firsthand.
Every so often I rent Tod Browning's Freaks. Because Halloween only comes once a year, and I need that gut-check in April. I also admire any movie that's best blurb begins "A grisly but compassionate portrayal...". Real life Siamese twins, an armless girl, the Human Skeleton, Radian the Living Torso, The Pinhead Snow sisters, my God. And you know what? No prosthetics here. The real deal. These folks were troopers. Tod Browning gave them a moment of fame (or infamy) which they were able to parlay into a, well, not decent living, but better than they had. And Johnny Eck (Half Boy) was a beloved and admired figure in his hometown of Baltimore. Browning did this and Dracula in a two year period. That's output.
Den Beste has been both prolific and sagacious lately. Somebody give this guy a print forum. How about science editor of the L.A. Examiner?
About halfway between Orlando and Daytona Beach is the hamlet of Cassadaga. Founded by George Colby in 1875, it's a right odd place filled with pyschics, mediums, seers, visionaries, palm-readers, spiritualists, transcendentalists, Ram Dassians, Raelians, seancers, necromancers, Wiccans, animists, humanists, crystal pimps, New Agers, tea leaf readers, entrail extrapolators, diviners, ball gazers, toad-boilers, newt-blinders, and ensorcelors.

If you're ever in the area stop in for a reading. I guarantee it will be worth it.

Sunday, February 23, 2003

Nelly just kicked it on the Grammys®. And Sheryl Crowe is still scum. The Bride is effusing on Sheryl's new look. I say it's still the same look. Whore.
Confession: I don't care much for Jay Nordlinger's music reviews in National Review. That's because Jay's tastes run to opera and classical, two genres I confess I don't enjoy except in small doses, although I continually make the effort (I love Beethoven, Mozart, and Bach; I'm just ashamed I don't understand what so differentiates their greatness at their particular moment). But his Impromptus are priceless. This man makes you think about things you'd rather forget, like Cuban and Chinese dissidents, people wasting away their best years in godforsaken torture cells. He also continually skewers my ex-governor and President Jimmy Carter. Jimmah has to be the anti-Christ; nobody packs that much self-serving, self-loving shamelessness into such a puny embodiment than that Bible-caressing hypocritical putz. Good on Jay for reminding us. If you don't subscribe to the e-mail link, do so forthwith.
The L.A. Examiner reports the New York Post has apologized to Sandy Koufax for implying he's gay. I think my brother first brought that up to me about 23 years ago. Pretty much understood. And who cares? We all know Sandy is a pitcher, not a catcher.
I received a few comments on my cyclist versus biker attire, mostly ones of bemusement, including a link from the mighty Tim Blair, who I believe was equally nonplussed. (But thanks, Tim!) I don't want to post again on this topic, which was essentially a shitbomb I lobbed before I went out of town, but will follow wherever the previous thread leads.
The conventional wisdom is Eminem deserves Album of the Year but will lose out to Springsteen at tonight's Grammy®'s. Sounds about right to me. Say what you want about Eminem, but at least, so far as I've heard, he keeps his politics to himself, preferring to focus on Eminem. I would like to see him crank up that chain saw and take a whack at somebody wearing a blue ribbon, like Bonnie Raitt.
Why did Mike Tyson tattoo Dale Earnhart's number on his face? Is that where he wants the tread to go?
The upside to this weekend: I got to watch a few hours of Braves batting practice. Sat on the front row of the first base line and scribbled gibberish into the dance program like I was a scout. Glared at the rookies when they whiffed the occasional pitch. Was completely ignored, except for the little boy with the Silver Sharpie who wanted to know why I had a pair of small leotards hanging out of my back pocket. "They're for Furcal," I said. "He's a sick fuck."
Back from Dante's oft-forgotten Tenth Circle of Hell, also known as Walt Disney World. Or, more exactly, a 17 hour national dance competition at the Wide World of Sports, in which my daughters participated.

The drill: up at 5:15 AM, breakfast at 6:00, first dance at 7:20. Each number my girls were in (8 total) were mercifully staggered throughout the day so that a decent break to go chill in the hotel room was imposssible. Last number at 8:15. Awards ceremony started at 10:30 PM. Over at midnight. You get the picture. Two thousand screaming girls.

And I mean screaming. Over any and all things. It was like being at a Beatles concert without the Beatles. Or, rather, like being trapped in a room with all the screaming girls while you were forced to gaze at Lennon's murdered corpse. Yeah, more like that. But this is what good dads do. (Take their kids to important events, not gaze at murdered corpses). Year in and year out. You don't get used to it, or even inured to it. The awards ceremonies are like having your eyelids filleted with a Tabasco-slathered razor blade.

AND OF COURSE WE ENJOYED IT!

Thursday, February 20, 2003

One final thought before I leave. I'm sick of the looks I get from bikers when I'm riding my road cycle. They think bike riders dress like cake boys. Which is true. But my gear is designed for safety and comfort. And of the two of us, I'm not dressed as the pivot man in the Village People. I mean c'mon, chaps? I like Hogs, might get a death wish and buy one some day. In the meantime, I'll take my lycra over your crypto-Nazi cruiser bar duds any day.
Off to Orlando for a few days for the girls' dance competition. Might blog from the laptop, but I doubt it.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

Completed my first Six Sigma project today. Soon I'll be a Black Belt. Hah. Engineers think they own process. Trust me, we MBA types also know how to game the system.
"Plow driver attacked by shovel-wielding man." I'm not going to give you the link. Find it yourself.
How irritating are the Webex commercials with Lily Tomlin? They bad. Who was on the team that came up with this? (Hey, I'm in corporate marketing, I know how these things work. It's always a team, so when things go south you can blow in the other people on your team and swear they outvoted you on your alternate brilliant proposal. Throw 'em under the bus.)

"I never had a good feeling about this one, Big Guy."

"Shit, Big Guy, D.L. and me were taking a whiz at the break and that upstart bitch ran it right by us."

"Damn, Big Guy, Liz and I had this thing nailed and ole Jipp (I swear, BG, I could smell the Ketel One on him, we gotta do an intervention here) already ramrodded it through Finance."

But I digress. This ad sucked because they pulled out a has-been no-talent crimp and revived a 35 year old gig that was pretty lame the first time around. It was gratuitously venomous. And the irony should have ended at the point you realized she was mocking the Old School Phone Company. But to take it to the next level and pan back to the studio audience for their guffaws was a needless explanation that anybody who remembers Laugh In didn't need, and only confused the Gen X, Y, D, and Z'ers who didn't know what the hell this was all about in the first place.

One good point. I remember how ugly and talentless Lily Tomlin is.

Gods and Generals, the Gettysburg prequel, looks good. At least this one has Stonewall in it. Even better, Robert Duvall as Lee. I'm sure Ted Turner insisted on Martin Sheen as Lee in the first movie. "Play him as an hysterical, incompetent Godswipe" is probably how the conversation went. I just hope this one, in addition to having the panoramic depth and scope of the former, throws in some Private Ryan-type reality to give the true picture. Doubt it. I do hope Ted has a cameo in this one. I see him as a gut-shot coward, shot unintentionally by his own troops as he's scampering back to the rear. Hell, he'll probably make himself the hapless cornholer who accidentally shot Jackson. I'll forever believe the Big Guy Who Makes Mammals and Reptiles called Stonewall home before Gettysburg. Stoner would have won that engagement. Enough was enough.
Tim Blair suggests replacing French wine with great Australians. I agree. In fact, go crazy and buy Kiwi wines as well. My namesake can always use the business.
Johnny Paycheck's dead and I still don't know what he looks like. Don't care either.

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

And Bono is nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Mmm-hmm. I dig Bono. He rocks okay. I buys his albums, I expects him to reciprocate with some ruk 'n' rull. And tore up Alltel Stadium with a torrid set when it was raining and the crowd was thin. Thas it. Someone needs to explain to Mr. Hewson that this award doesn't carry much weight anymore. It might hurt his career. I'm just not sure I want to be in the same company as Yassir Arafat, Nelson Mandela, Jimmah Cahtuh, and Desmond Tutu (who is currently drooling his folly of the moment in my town (at least for another semester).

Bono's nominated for relief of Third World Debt. Personally, I'd rather see the debt stay on the paper and the thugs who stole the fucking money and enriched themselves at the expense of their countrymen go to prison instead. But that's a modest proposal. I'm sure Bono feels like this is just a bad mix up. I don't. That money wasn't burned up in a hayfield in the Republic of Congo or Zimbabwe. That money is still there. Or somewhere. And it's my money. I want it back, Mr. Hewson. And I want the ginches who stole it to go to some dank Interpol prison where the guard says "Ever seen 'Midnight Express'? S'my fav'rit."

Second thought. Kurdistan has to wait. Basra does Iran no good, they already have better ports. Iran wants the Mansrun Oil Fields. Right across the border. And they are licensed to TotalFinaElf. Taking the froggies' oil. Let's see who protests this.
Gaddam, gaddam. Iran is making a power play for the common border. I don't know the particulars of incursion, but that's like a 1,000 km border. Bush has to pull the fucking pin. Now. Events are spinning out of control because we're trying to be good Boy Scouts. Iran wants some Shia territory to the south and some Kurdish territory to the north. These are tribal lands that would accept "tribal autonomy" if the mad mullahs sent the right camel humper chieftans in to make the peace. Chirac Delenda Est.
Mon Dieu! Little Green Footballs has a pic of Saddam at a French nuclear reactor in 1975. The frog on the right? Yup. Chirac. Haven't seen the word Photoshop™
in the comments, but you make the call.
I finally got my first Nigerian e-mail scam spam. Whew! Man, I was wondering what kind of reprobate I was. Most people I know have been getting 3 a day for 6 months. I'm extra fortunate in that this particular ad is the REAL DEAL. I'd tell you how I know that, but I can't let everybody in on the deal. Sorry. 12.5 millies just don't go that far. Besides, I'm pissed nobody (well, except for a few of you) has ordered my enlarger system. Man, it works! I'm now on Thrill Hammer v.9.0.
Scientific American has an article on a one-two punch to deal with Iraqi bio/chems I mentioned earlier. The first, the High Power Microwave (HPM) device I was aware of. It emits an ultra-burst of microwave radiation that fries electronics and guidance systems on enemy weapons. The second punch I was unaware of. It's called the agent defeat weapon (ADM), and it uses an incendiary burst to vaporize harmful chemicals or biotoxins. Too cool. Read the whole thing.

Monday, February 17, 2003

Instantman points to this link by Bigwig that lays out what I think is a pretty plausible scenario of the war. The one thing Silfay doens't mention, however, is the use of bio/chem weapons on our troops by Saddam. I'm convinced he used them in the first war. Gulf War Syndrome, anyone? And I'm also convinced Bush 41, Clinton, and Bush 43 know and have known this. But we couldn't cure or fix the symptoms, so denial was the best scenario to prevent civilian hysteria and military decimation. But W has taken this into account, I feel sure. Therefore the war scenarios are built around presumptions we cannot know. I envision an end run similar to Gulf War I, but not to invade from a tangent. The end run will be to get troops out of sites likely to be hit by bio/chems in the opening hours of hostilities. This war will be fought by the Air Force, naval aviators, and the combined Army and Navy Space Commands. The soldiers and Marines are for civilian population and police control. The Special Forces are to hunt and kill Saddam's inner circle.
Russia suffered 5,000 fatal casualties in the war in Chechnya last year. Over 13,000 wounded. I think these guys know the war's already started. It's the Battle of Iraq, not the War on Iraq. A battle in the War on Terror. And it's a world war, folks. The Aussies know this as well. Link from lucianne.
In the immortal words of Frank Booth: NEXT!
I wonder if Ray Buckey is aware of this study?
I just saw a TRUTH ad on TV claiming the group is in possession of a tobacco company internal marketing document called "Project Scum", which purportedly outlines an initiative to target gays and the homeless to boost sales.The thing that infuriates me about TRUTH is the fact that they use that name, then pepper every piece of advert with outright lies and slanders. Their "proof" was the young white guy (I assume the token gay) flashing a document at the screen that actually said "Project Scum" on it. I assume the white kid was the token gay because the other actor was an older black man in a rather shabby looking tank top, posing in front of what appeared to be a pup tent. I guess a cardboard refrigerator box would have lessened his street cred. The token "homeless" guy. See, even their tokens are racist. Why does the homeless person have to be black? Most of the ones that mill around my office building are white. And quite mentally ill, I might add.


Now I work in the marketing department of a Fortune 500 company, and the idea that even an internal confidential document would be so labeled, much less seriously proposed as a marketing strategy is insane. And my company is very old-school Southern. Additionally, why in the hell would any company target the homeless to sell their products? They don't have any money. Let me repeat: THEY DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY. Any half-assed marketing plan follows the demographics, follows the money. These TRUTH cretins are the most dishonest scumsucks I've ever encountered. They pump out supposed stats about second-hand smoke deaths as if they were engraved on Everett Koop's thorax, when no conclusive evidence exists that second-hand smoke is a factor at all. Truth, uh-huh.


Of course the accounting scams of Enron blew me away. I couldn't believe that kind of madness could go on at that level. But I still think TRUTH is a lying joke.

I predict this beast will pass through more hands in the next six weeks than J-Lo at a hip-hop rave fest.
Peggy Noonan is buying single malt for her panic room. Things might actually be looking up. I see a slightly different ending to my End of Days scenario.
At last, agreement with the Germans. It seems they want us out of Germany as much we want to leave. (Another lucianne.com link).
David Horowitz speaks truth to power about the Saturday protests. Thank you, David. (link via lucianne.com)
Why do the great icons that define our lives get caricatured and corrupted? And of course I speak of our cartoon icons. I've spoken of my rage and indignation (at age 5 or 6) of King Features' blasphemous treatment of Popeye. The poor bastid and his friends went from this to this. Pure 30's animation to late '50's Hanna-Barbera type cheesy animation. Crap story lines. From Popeye getting kidnapped to Goon Island to Popeye chasing Swee' Pea. C'mon. No knock on HB, but they were what they were. It's like having the Yogi Bear animators redo Fantasia. Some things shouldn't be translated.


Likewise with Woody Woodpecker. He suffered a Bugs Bunny fate. From viscious ur-demon to playful imp. You can actually trace the pussification of WW to his comb. This site illustrates my point. The WW in the center has the spiked, slicked back look of a mad creature. The WW on the left has the bouffed combed forward look of the kinder, gentler Woody. The puss Woody. Who needs this shit? Bugs also transitioned from loose cannon to matinee idol. But that's his problem. Never liked Bugs that much anyway. Too many corporate shills working his gig.

Sunday, February 16, 2003

You know why Godfather III ultimately failed as a film in the hallowed pantheon of Godfatherdom?

Number 1: Pacino's moss-colored crew-cut. Now, this guy has a GREAT head of hair. Put a little extra-virgin in it and you've got a sweet 'do going. What was he thinking? More importantly, what was Coppola thinking?

Number 2: George Hamilton as Tom Hagen. I like Hamilton. He was great in Your Cheatin' Heart, and has punched above his weight class for many years. But, depending on whose side you're on, either Coppola was too cheap, or Duvall was too greedy. Personally, I would've paid Duvall whatever it took. He'd created a body of work in the intervening years that commanded more respect than I think Coppola was willing to acknowledge. That lack of continuity was glaring. Too bad, so sad, as we say.

Number 3: Sofia Coppola. Mutt. I don't mind the suspension of disbelief for the sake of my cinema, but please don't expect me to believe Andy Garcia's fallen for this girl. And don't blast me. I have 2 girls, and I'm sensitive and protective about them. Of course, either my 10 year old or 15 year old would've been better than Sofia. Now why, exactly, was Winona Ryder unavailable? Edward Scissorhands, Mermaids, Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael. That was what she was doing that year. And obviously serious pharmaceuticals.

Saddam also persecutes gays. Of course, it could be because he was butt-raped as a lad, according to WorldNetDaily (one dose of salt required). Don't know if it's true , but it would explain a lot.
Saddam and Uday behead women in public. Kate Michelman, Susan Sarandon, Janeanne Garafolo, I can't hear you.
I love Lance Armstrong. Respect and admire the hell out of him. As a recreational road cyclist it's hard to comprehend what he's accomplished and overcome. That's why it grates me to see him say things like this. Of course, he's having to fence-straddle here. He has a new Belgian co-sponsor, and I believe he's genuinely concerned for his safety in this year's Tour de France. But my God, what a great win this year would be! To again humiliate the Frogs on their home turf, as an Amercian AND a Texan. He's just dominated the field over the last 4 years.

My biggest concern is not that Lance has to play PC, but that he might be the target of malicious hooliganism. TDF riders go by millions of spectators, even in a single stage. Any one of them could whip a wine bottle at him. Hurt him. Seriously injure him. Ice him. And I don't trust that crowd not to. He's emasculated the French in their own backyard again and again. In their national race. Can you imagine a MLB pitcher concentrating with hostile fanatics 10 feet away? I just hope Lance can concentrate, get the first stages out of the way, and settle down.

Imminent war, a wheezing economy still clawing its way out of 9/11, millions of fuckwads protesting the right of Iraqis to live in freedom, two old allies destroying vital institutions and relationships for oooiiilll and votes, and the filibuster of Miguel Estrada is the Democrats' mission in life. Why? Because he won't play abortion patty-cake (read: he ain't their kind of Hispanic). They should be totally ashamed of themselves. But I suppose that would require a conscience as a precondition. And that's something in very rare evidence from these race pimps and envy mongers.


And what's with these "gentleman's agreement" filibusters? All you have to do is signal the intent to filibuster and the other side rolls over and proffers its genitalia? I say make those bastards get up and read the Manhattan phone book and the Bible for 48 hours. Better yet, make them read and re-read the list of victims' names from 9/11 and these surah from the Koran till they drop.

Steven Den Beste believes if we introduce another U.N. resolution with more deadlines and timetables our moment will have passed:


"And if, now, they introduce another Security Council resolution which offers Saddam another "last chance" to cooperate, and sets another "final deadline", then the ballgame is over. It would have been bad enough if the French had introduced such a resolution; if we do it, we will stand totally discredited.

The biggest reason that time for diplomacy is running out is that we're losing diplomatically. The longer this is dealt with in the diplomatic sphere, where we are relatively weak, the worse it's going to go for us."


I agree. Bush's approval rating for Iraqi policy is at 50%. 39% disapprove. We may not have all the pieces of the deployment in place for a lowest casualty scenario, but even the hawks I know are getting fed up with the dilly-dally. The U.N. was probably necessary, but Bush should have declared the December 8 pile of crap Saddam delivered the required material breach. It's beginning to seem like George McClellan's in charge of things. If we don't attack until every possible eventuality is in our favor, we'll never attack.


So millions of people around the world protested war on Iraq yesterday. Big deal. Billions didn't. Perusing the loser brigades here, and here shows the usual assortment of misfits, nitwits, trustafarians, lepers, morons, unreconstructed radicals, hemp hustlers, terrorist cell mates, sleepers, weepers, and whack-offs. The usual "Bush = Hitler", "U.S. = Nazi Germany", "Not in My Name", "It's All About Oil". No debate, no reasoned arguments, just slogans. That make absolutely no frigging sense. Answer me this: if I agree with your rant that Iraq poses no threat to America (which I don't, but just saying I did) what difference does that make? Why do you care? Are you scared Amercian soldiers are gonna get killed? No, they're just baby-killers anyway. Are you worried about innocent Iraqi citizens getting killed? Can't be that; they're getting killed on a daily basis now, and have been for years, and nobody's heard shit from you. Is it because we're going to win? Now we're getting somewhere. It ain't about Iraq. It never was. It's about kneejerk hatred of America, and the boost the ideals of democracy get when these things go right. That's it. That's all it ever was, and is.

Saturday, February 15, 2003

My prediction on the Clara Harris verdict was correct: guilty, 20 years.
Forget the UN and NATO. I'm really worried the schism over Iraq is going to imperil these three organizations.
I know this question is aborning: WHY is that my favorite Popeye? I dunno. But it's either Rodeo Girl or the one where Bluto is living on Mars, looks though his telescope and says, "Target, EARTH!" THAT one scared the bippipshus out of me. At 4, I thought that kind of thing could really happen.

Friday, February 14, 2003

Now if you're a Popeye fan like me (which you're not, but bear with me) you have to love this. A Popeye statue, from Elzie Segar's hometown, rescued. Who can truly measure the capacity of the human heart to do right? Not me.


LISTEN: I was the 4th of 5 chirren. I was an abandoned afterthought waif, who grew up on a steady diet of Popeye (the real stuff, Max Fleischer, not that King Features TV garbage), Our Gang, the Three Stooges, Merry Melodies, Shari Lewis, and Hugh Downs. A rather odd compendium of visuals. NOT my fault. Of them all, only 2 made sense: Popeye and the Stooges. Good people do okay. Bad people get punished. Or, with the Stooges, good people get whacked by Moe. Whatever.

My favorite Stooges: the fat woman with the crush on Curly singing "The Heat is On". My favorite Popeye: set in a rodeo, where Popeye and Bluto are trying to impress Olive Oyl. Bluto gets shined early, so of course he bitch slaps Popeye and proceeds to TIE OLIVE TO THE FENCE RAIL. Just wrists and ankles, my friend. And then he pulls a red hot "B" brand out of the charcoal and tries to BRAND OLIVE. On her arse. With a fiery hot "B".

But her buttocks are agile; she squirms and avoids contact until Popeye can free himself and save the day. Bluto tried to BRAND HER. WITH A HOT POKER. Ja Rule's a pussy compared to this guy. Welcome to my formative years.

Flashback: I like Christopher Hitchens. Dispossessed leftist. Scorned by his peers. Thought Mother Teresa was a hypocritical charlatan. That took cojones. That's the difference between conservatives and "liberals". When a conservative strays off the ranch we guffaw and talk about how he's gone libertarian, or reform, or whatever. When a liberal strays the Red Guard comes out and demands reeducation.

Or death; photoshopped out of the pics. NO TOLERANCE. The party of tolerance permits no tolerance! You can be the coolest thing since Che Guevara but if you stray on any issue (read: homosexuality, school vouchers, tax relief) you're an apostate. Unworthy of even oxygen. Die. You. Die. Conservatives love the battle that is disagreement. Leftists want the opposition to DIE. So where are the liberals? I'd love to hear from one. I mean who would at least listen to why I believe we need to battle Hussein (and I was an early skeptic of the Iraq gambit)?

All the good-hearted liberals seem to have had to gravitate to the right. Which must chap their asses. But, hey, any port in a storm. I hope some old fashioned libs will respond with an idea or two. Meantime, listen to Lou Reed's classic New Sensations.

Robert Mugabe, sack of pus extraordinaire (French again, dammit), will be in France Wednesday. Just reminding you. Is there anything the French won't do? I mean of course, other than get out of our way while we JDAM some scum-sucking terrormasters?
Bibi strikes back. Look, I don't know what happened in Basra 21 years ago, other than the fact it was Christian Phalangists under Gemayel who killed Palestinians, not Israeli soldiers under Sharon. And if the PLO hadn't been operating in Lebanon in the first place none of this would have happened. The Palestinians should have been in Jordan, which is the Palestinian homeland. But the Hashemites kicked out Arafat in 1970 because he was a terrorist. Lebanon is still 60% Palestinian. I'm no knee-jerk Israel apologist. I think the settlements in the conquered territories was a bad idea. Still do. But what the hell is Belgium doing dredging this crap up when there are real genocides happening here, here, and here.

Now. Today.

Jordan has over 34,000 square miles, Israel has less than 8,000 sqare miles. The only thing keeping the Pals from having a homeland is the Hashemites. And given the death cult the Palestinians have been raised in, I don't blame them.

This is why we're better than that Gallo-Teutonic Eurotrash. Gwyllm, indeed.
Partial list of French things I'm boycotting:


Stinky cheese (I also promise to clean my toe cheese out more often)

Savate (fighting with my feet would only get me stomped anyway)

Ballhugger bathing suits (tossing the Speedo's will make my family very, very happy)

Champagne (a good Iron Horse Brut should do nicely instead)

Ballet dancing (keepin' the tutu, though, for Dysfunctional Sex Nites with the bride)

Fellating Germans (never happened, never will)


Crying at Jerry Lewis movies (I will, however, continue to cry at Jerry Lewis)

Francois Truffaut films (watching Close Encounters is still okay)

Poodles (again, I say, poodles)

Berets (except for the Special kind)

Foie gras (first you grab the goose by the neck, then you cram grain balls down its throat.....)

Thursday, February 13, 2003

NASA screwed the pooch. I have an idea. Let's let NASA investigate it. That's what's going to happen. Just like last time. I also have a prediction. Nobody's to blame. Vehicle failed. Too bad, so sad. That's what's gonna happen.


I have another idea. The FBI takes over this investigation. Not that they're any great shakes. But they don't have a dog in the fight. And they do some things very well. Like sweating the truth out of weasels. The point: the bureaucracy (French word! Can't avoid 'em!) walked away from Challenger. Nobody screwed up here. Vehicle failed. Goddam ice. Goddam seal.

Somebody needs to be held accountable for Columbia. Cant' we fire anybody? And by that, I mean the right people? Managers? Flight directors? Program directors? Guys in the position of heroes like Gene Krantz and Chris Kraft, who would have disemboweled themselves over such a failure? What happened to the real heroes that ran Mercury, Gemini, Apollo? They got replaced by a sack of potatoes who pussed out. And this goes back to Challenger. I love Ronnie, but Ronnie needed that shuttle in orbit when he made his SOTU speech. So they launched. Anyway. They knew better. Fuckheads. That's all we have now. Pencil pushers. Goodbye Mars. That money is now earmarked for the "children". Meaning the pubic schools (sp. correctly). Although some lily white cracker ass school zone in Arizona or Montana will get a sop for vouchers, which no one there will use, just to prove they were a bad idea anyway. Am I getting bitter? 'fraid so. And I hate that. Summin hep me.

Who remembers Pass the Pig? Answer: I do.
My blogspot banner ad is advertising about too much debt. I remonstrate. One cannot have too much debt, only too much creditor.
O'Reilly is ranting with an Ambiance spokesperson. He's all freaked out that you might be able to buy a battery-operated dildo in a mall store. From what I've seen of Ambiance stores they seem pretty tasteful. Things like this are behind the counter. The windows have nothing Victoria's Secret wouldn't have in them. This anal-retentive needs to lighten up. He's become so enamored of his own voice he just can't shut up and listen. Ever. Ever. I should have switched to the Seinfeld rerun before this bobble head (and I mean that in the guitar nipple sense) came on. Nota Bene: I mean the National Lampoon masturbatory affliction known as "guitar nipple", not what seems to be a mastitis affliction that seems to affect classical guitar players.
I can barely stand to read my New Yorker issues any more. It's just so, parochial. For a more cosmopolitan and intellectual worldview I highly recommend The Oxford American, recently resuscitated from the dead after Grisham's beneficence ran out (and bless him for the years of life support). Long may they prosper. It's funny how a magazine from the racist, cracker heartland can have so much more to say than the blindered onanists in Gotham.
And speaking of amateurs, and revisiting our sins, I kind of liked my characterization of Saddam Hussein as Satan's Buttplug. Can I trademark that?
Although I'm a huge fan of Mark Steyn's, and believe he is second to none as pundit-cum-raconteur (French again, dammit!) I have to admit I was nonplussed and disappointed with his article on the Phil Spector murder intrigue, in which he gratuitously informed us he had had the pleasure of hugging/mashing murder victim Lana Clarkson's huge, squishy breasts once upon a time. C'mon, Mark. You're a professional. Leave that sort of stuff to us amateurs.
In case you (and by you I mean BOTH of you) haven't noticed, I've dropped my Mary Rosh. I figured I'd make it easier for the libel attorneys.
The President was in town today. A little tete-a-tete (I've GOT to quit using French words! I'm boycotting French words, and women with hairy airpits - which reminds me of some German girls on the beach at Estoril, Portugal in 1975, but another time) with some business meat whistles, then on to Mayport for a pump up for the newly refurbed JFK. And yet, I'm sad to say, my overarching concern the whole time was the safety of my girls while the Man was in town. Never had that feeling before. I DO remember closing my office door in the BS Tower and mooning Clinton's motorcade 20 floors below as it pulled into the Prime Osborne for a Corrine Brown fundraiser a few years ago, though. That was sweet. Would have been better if I hadn't been a tiny speck in an office window, though. Say standing on top of the Skyway Express as they passed underneath. They'd have Waco'd my luminous white ass, I'm sure.


But I digress. I was indeed ashamed to put my family's safety first, for the merest reason: these leaders deal with this 24/7. Bush has 2 daughters. I'm sure he worries about them as well. I'm surprised his wife hasn't turned to rubbing alcohol. But I was hurt that my elder daughter had succumbed to rumors the Prez was going to appear at her school. I explained to her last night that he was only in town for 4 hours, and Bartram Trail high School was undoubtedly not on the agenda. Ah,well. Maybe next time. When Iraqis are dancing in the street and Kim Jong Il's head is doing the pogo around Pyongyang on a pike.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

A prediction on the Clara Harris verdict: guilty, but not life. 20 years. And does CourtTV.com REALLY have to show the streaming video of the killing? Utterly tasteless. Besides, it's all grainy and you can't see him that well anyway.
Lileks has a good bleat on the Dell Dude, and how we shouldn't snigger at his weed bust (see, I didn't link to it) because he's a former Eagle Scout who acted very bravely in Manhattan on 9/11. Point well taken. And for the record I never disliked the Dell ads or his stoner persona. It was the bad Howie Mandel imitation in the ads that irked me.
How come there isn't a Rumsfeld bobble head doll? I mean, I can get a Cheney one. Someone needs to rectify this immediately.
Even my dog's scared. At least, I guess that's why he just peed on the floor.
Here's a must-have for my bioterror ditty bag. I really don't have anything stowed away except for the usual hurricane items common on the East Coast (flashlights, a fair supply of batteries, bottled water, some canned goods). I DO have a full tank of propane. But no iodine tablets, Cipro, or Atropine. I'm even out of duct tape. What if I have to remove a wart? Because while my family is aware of the threat of NBC attacks, we're backwater compared to the poor people living in the truly major potential target areas, especially ones that have already been hit. My heart goes out to the people in New York and D.C., especially. How do you go about your daily life, especially when the media and administration are constantly advising you to "go about your daily life"?


Of course I realize my lack of intensity could be fatally naive. After all, the most effective terrorism strikes where you least expect it. That's the purpose. Attacks on mid-tier cities (especially ones with significant military assets, like here in Jax, would likely cause more terror than a Chicago or Boston or L.A. strike for the simple reason it would make everyone know instantaneous fear and vulnerability. Yet my childrens' schools don't even have emergency contingencies other than the Columbinesque "lock down".

And that's where I think the Department of Homeland Security is dropping the ball. They should be directing cities to reevaluate and upgrade evacuation routes and plans, have local Civil Defense authorities work with businesses, police, and school boards to coordinate emergency plans, and issue instructions to civilians on sensible steps and precautions. Hell, when I was a kid buildings everywhere had CD Fallout Shelter signs posted prominently on them. I haven't seen those in 30 years.


Just musing, and trying not to be overly freaked out.

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

I forgot to catch the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show tonight. Anyway the finals were on 8:00 PM Tuesday on USA. I digs this. If you haven't seen Christopher Guest's Best In Show you gotta check it out. The real beauty is, as I see it, the way the dogs lead the handlers.
OOOOkay. My Comments protocol is temporarily disabled. But I wish Krys would at least explain how I can change my Shout Outs to Holla Backs.
Now here is a freaky site. The Journal of Submission indeed. But I have no reason to doubt their figures. The genocide of females is, I think, a matter of policy in these countries. I'm surprised India is so prominently outed. I thought this was a Chinese thing. If India is also culpable, we should intercede, just as I proposed we intercede in China. One of Thomas Freidman's few good recent ideas is to replace France with India on the Security Council. I agree. The world's largest democracy. This would serve the added purpose of bitch-slapping Pakistan into line. Recent reports aver Musharraf has actually released many of the Islamicists he rounded up after 9/11 to get us off his smegma list. Can you say "Tumblin' Dice?"
Check out THIS graph. It may be a little hard to read, but it basically shows the gender differential between age groups in China. From age 64 up women outnumber men. When you look at the rates for ages below that, especially age 32 and below, it's frightening. WAY too many men than women. Mostly soldiers. Yowzah.

A modest proposal: let's immigrate these guys to America. They'll work for fair wage and bring with them an ethos of respect and hard work. CAVEAT: If you're racist in any way you might not want this many "yellers" in your midst, but I say up yours. Exposed to the American/democracy experience, this cadre could repatriate to China and create the createst force for capitalism ever. As I said, a modest proposal.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ike Turner:

"Everything is a hole. When you're born, two holes--there's a hole at the head of your penis, and you come out of a hole. So you come out, and everything is about holes. When you eat? Hole. When you breathe, it's a hole. When you see, it's a hole. When you hear, it's a hole. And when you die, where you going? Right back in the hole. If you get too much money, you gonna be in a hole. If you don't get enough, you're definitely gonna be in a hole. So to me, the best thing to do is stop tryin' to stay outta the hole: Get in the hole and find out what's happenin' with the hole and try to control the hole. And then you can have the hole, because you understand the hole."

From the Esquire "What I've Learned" series. Couldn't find a link. Hat tip to Belinda.
Well, they finished shrink-wrapping the 101st Airborne's helicopters here in Jacksonville today (270 Blackhawks, Apaches, Chinooks, and Kiowahs). Departing by vessel tomorrow. Transit time (destination undisclosed) is 14 to 18 days. The troops will fly out of Ft. Campbell to meet up, so it doesn't look like the Screamin' Eagles will be in place before early March. The Blackhawks and Apaches have been buzzing downtown in packs for several days. A way cool sight when they fly by my office on the 27th floor of the Bellsouth Tower at eye level. They seem to like threading between the 'scrapers. Totally bitching.

Also, my company (CSX) railed in 1,500 boxcars of support materiel from Kentucky to ship out with the helo's. Doing our little part to stop Satan's buttplug.

Monday, February 10, 2003

I recently picked up this classic from Dave Mason. Still looking for this on CD. Staples of my youth when I wasn't locked on John Lennon. Both these albums had guest appearances by Stevie Wonder and George Harrison. And the Mason now comes with a 2nd album included on the CD. Some of the Mason songs are trite now, but the production values and musicianship are simply incredible. Of course, I lost Mason when he was the first rocker to sell out with his beer spot on the radio in 1980 or so ("People on a one way street...blah, blah, blah... have another Miller!....have another Miller!" Jeepus.)

And while I loved Alvin Lee, those early Ten Years After albums on the Deram label were just for crap production-wise. The quality difference once they signed with Chrysalis was monumental. But at least with the Deram albums (Ssssh..., Cricklewood Green, Watt) you could hear the studio vibe in the background, and understood this was genius with a flat wallet. The translations to CD are incredibly inferior. Enough to make me get a new belt for my Technics turntable. I'd rather put up with the abuse my old LP's suffered than the tinny garbage coming off my CD versions. Way too bad.

Recently, I like these from Ja Rule, Eminem, Nelly, and Puff Daddy. I hate to admit it, but a lot this is very good. Better than anything Foghat or Blue Oyster Cult ever put out. And maybe I'm in the minority here, but better than anything Bob Rivethead Seger ever put out. Think about it: Detroit produced Motown. Motown! And all the white rock from the Motor City was Grand Funk Railroad, Seger, Madonna. Crap. (And Eminem - but if Clinton can be our first black president Eminem's an honorary homeboy). Oh, and the Nuge. A neckbone with heart. And although the lyrics on a lot of hip hop are rough, they're still the rock 'n' roll themes: the boys are having a good time, and the girls are satisfied. Really less controversial than Elvis '55 or Stones '68.

And, finally, the worst thing about watching Foxnews has to be the Cristy Lane commercials. When she sings "I'm only human" I thinks 'in your dreams'.
Saddam's going to let us fly U-2's over Iraq. How nice! Fucker.

Sunday, February 09, 2003

Me tired of warblogging. Go visit these guys and enjoy. My Precision titanium with Campy Chorus is a ride in heaven.
I personally think the Franco-German Mirage gambit is a desperate effort for relevancy. The proposed UN occupation of Iraq by peacekeepers and inspectors is still only a "leaked" proposal, still abirthing. At this late stage of the game it can only be viewed as flailing hysteria. The United States has 150,000 troops in the area, significant if not complete access requirements from Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, UAE, Bahrain, Qatar, Yemen, and Jordan (who'll roll over at the last minute), a fifth carrier task force steaming to the area, and fully operational B-2 facilities at Diego Garcia. I also suspect we have back-door assurances of non-intervention from Tehran. We are ready to pull the pin as soon as the 101st Airborne is in position (they are completing transport packaging of their helo's in Jacksonville now) and the fifth carrier is within striking distance. We in fact could tee off tomorrow if necessary.

From a purely logistical standpoint, therefore, the UN is caught in the blocks, 9 months from a deployment of sufficient size that would preclude their forces getting shredded on initial incursion. There are no strategic goals in place, no tactical plans drawn up, and no contingency plans. The UN, in short, doesn't have dick.

Finally, what assurance can Annan give the world that Mirage wouldn't result in another Srebrenica, Rwanda, or East Timor? Their batting average is rather unimpressive of late.
"Perhaps it is time for European leaders to pay a visit to Normandy Beach to see for themselves what the United States has been willing to undertake in the name of freedom... Just as America contributed to the liberation of France and Germany and the rest of Europe during World War II so must the United States and the coalition of the willing liberate the people of Iraq today."

-Fatos Nano, Prime Minister of Albania

There's more on Eastern Europe's embrace of America and democracy, and it's good. Read it all here.

Saturday, February 08, 2003

I sure need to hoist a few with Acidman. He lives in Effingham County, Georgia. As a city boy from Savannah my Dad (a lawyer and State Senator) did the Green Acres gig in 1966 and moved us from the comforts of ultimate suburbia to a 400 acre farm in northwest Effingham County (Griffin Lakes, to be exact. Motto: halfway between Tusculum and Egypt). We even has an Eb, a Mr. Haney, and a Mr. Kimball. Only Effingham wasn't the collection of bedroom communities it is now. It was serious harcore ass-kicking redneck crackertown. I had 15 year olds in my sixth grade class. Took good ass-beatings on a regular basis, but saw much worse from the older guys. Segregated schools (hell, they were the ECHS REBELS, for chrissakes). There were juke joints and moonshiners and a colony of inbreeds down a dirt road called Tiger Ridge that can only be compared to Banjo Boy from Deliverance. A real education.
Christamighty. It appears certain US poster makers have taken upon themselves to airbrush out the cigarette in Paul McCartney's hand on the Abbey Road cover (without the permission of Apple Records, which owns the rights). Anti-smoking groups are, needless to say, delighted. The old Politburo would be so very proud.
Here's a map of Israeli settlements in the West Bank. I had no idea there were so many. The Israelis need to figure out how to abandon these settlements without losing face, just like we need to figure out how to extract 37,000 troops from the Korean DMZ without losing face. Because, let's face it, Palestinian Arabs can live in Israel, enjoy full civil rights, hold positions in the Knesset, vote, own property, etc etc, but we all know a Jew can't even exist in an Arab country. And even though the Jews inhabiting these settlements would fall under the authority of a Palestinian state (in the event of the creation of one), and would gladly abide by the laws of a legitimate government, they would still be considered interlopers, and would be persecuted and/or murdered with the full support of the Arabs. Better to pull back and build the Wall. And make Jerusalem an International City, so that the bulldozing and pillaging of the temples under the Dome of the Rock is stopped.

Friday, February 07, 2003

Blogdingnagians I like:

Lileks
Acidman
Stephen Green (the V Man)
Der Professor

Gotta set up a blogroll, just don't want to be a troller.
Why do certain people decide to become human shields for Saddam Hussein? Do they admire his human rights record? His concern for his people? His decision to convert humanitarian aid to the purposes of sadism? I don't get it. I really don't. What principles are they upholding? And if you're stripping for peace, I really want to hear from you.

I don't want to get off on a Miller rant (and promise not to use that expression again) but I recall reading some extremely interesting demographics on the impact of China's one-child (read: forced abortion) policy. The basic premise is, if you can only have one child, you better make sure it's a male, because females are considered the equivalent of lake scum. So you have this enormous male population, mostly soldiers, with no potential brides. No sisters, no brothers, no cousins, no aunts, no uncles, no family structure to speak of. Young and horny and in desperate need of, for want of a better word, domestication. This pent-up aggression will find a way to satisfy its primordial urges. Possibly in the Koreas or Indochina. A scary thought. Conquest for propagation. I need to look into this further.
Well, the Screamin' Eagles are deployed. I feel better now. This ass frapping wasn't going to occur without the 101st. I foresee these guys deployed in the north of Iraq, possibly coming in through Turkey. The pincer effect. There ain't gonna be no where to run, nowhere to hide. Of course, I also assume the Iraqi military from field grade down will stride like Kenyan runners towards the GI's and Marines to surrender.